I don't really know how to tell you this, but the mafia wants you. I think I realized it last year when you peed your pants in your closet and I saw you sit on your 'my little pony' collection. I'm sure you're middle-class enough to understand that you need a sex change. I'm returning your toe ring to you, but I'll keep your collection of butterflies as a memory. you should also know that I never will forget that night and your cucumber fetish is weird.
best of luck on the sex change,